Dear Papi,
I know you the first thing you are saying… “what are you doing using your work to talk to me!!” Well, today I just need to share and it is all about you…. My father… My love of my life… My world…
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t think of you as my best friend or my hero in my world. I know how some people have changes in their relationships with their fathers, but I don’t think ours ever changed. Even when you were strict about my skirt from school being 3″ below the knee! or about not having boys call the house for me when I was 13 or about staying up past midnight on a date when I was 16! I still respected you and thought of you as the hero of my world.
With all our faults together, yes, we could started a lot of riots, put liquor stores out of business, crashed a few cars, broke many laws and commandments but what we didn’t do was ever stop loving each other and valuing family with the utmost respect.
Over the years, I watched as Mom and you grew less capable of handling things and believe me, it broke my heart. I remember the nightmares I had as a young teen that would wake me and I would walk into your room to sleep on your floor. I remember that neither you or Mom would ask what was the nightmare about. I would walk crying into your room and would just lay down. I remember those nightmares like it is today… Well, because those nightmares are when I would have dreams about one of you dying and I would be faced with not holding or talking to you. It was horrible. I remember screaming and running into your room to see you both alive there sleeping. How I wish that today without you Papi was just a nightmare and I could run into your room and lay on your floor to hear you both slumber away and snore all night.
Papi, I remember sitting in your office at our business, and you were happy that your envelope came in the mail. I didn’t know what it was, but you were whistling away as you opened it up in your office. Then you peaked into my office and asked me about liking your cross necklace. You know the one. It is the crucifix that you had attached onto the Star of David. I remember so well when you had that custom made for yourself! You were in the hospital for flu like symptoms and then after a couple days they came back with more serious results. You had an odd disease, a Mediterranean Fever. The even odder thing was that this was only for descendants for Sephardic Jews and you went on to tell the Doctor and Nurse that you are not Jewish and no one in your family that you knew of was Jewish. Then the long story of your great grandmother and the fencejumper, hence the Jewish great grandson….. So you became a Catholic turned half-Jewish…. That necklace you wore around you like a badge. To those that didn’t know what it was.. You would pull it out in pride and show them and those who would peak quietly.. you would pull it out and tell them the great story of how you overcame the Mediterranean Fever! I remember that necklace as I stood there and told you how I loved it; It was who you were!
You went on then to share the details of that little book of how you wanted to be buried, where, and with what on and if you should be wearing a sheet now since you were part Jewish, what songs to sing, what prayers to say. Oh, how I remember that moment. I was so uncomfortable and you were there with your little smile penning away notes in the book. After you went home, I sat and stared at the book…. You were leaving me the necklace with the crucifix/Star of David. I remember seeing in big capital letters for your song at your funeral…. MY WAY by FRANK SINATRA. God, you loved that song. You used to say every sentiment of his in that song came pouring out of your heart into his pen… I believe it. Because when I hear that song, it is ALL YOU!
Well, Papi here we are almost 15+ months later and I finally got to share something with you about your song…. Here is the most awesome Sergio Sanchez from Atom Smash playing in tribute to you… My Way by Frank Sinatra….. I will add photos to this soon but for now I have to share this awesome song!!! Papi I love you!!
Sergio, the first time I heard this, I cried like a baby and just sat there thinking about how you Papi would be so happy. I could hear you talking about how beautiful it was and how cool it was to do it “your way”. Thank you Sergio from the bottom of my heart for this!! I have to tell you the way you did this song is unbelievably awesome and I hope that one day you guys play this live with your band. Hopefully in Northern California so I can be THERE!!! Here are the lyrics to “My Way” by Frank Sinatra
Here we are And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and ev’ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
“Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way”
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!
Yes, it was my way the lyrics, which I can see now, why you Papi, my Father, loved this song so much…
Next, I would like to include another song that Serg did for me of “Bittersweet Symphony” by the Verve in dedication to you Papi. This truly describes your struggles in life. Papi I miss you and love you like you can’t imagine!!!
Papi, my history of you and my memories of you are all I have to keep you alive. I do have the necklace to wear and to share. I will be getting a tattoo on my left wrist of your most famous words…. love you more ….. Those words have been held close to my heart and have kept me warm in times of doubt and for the rest of my life with those words on my wrist I can be reminded of your everlasting love.
~ Love always and forever, Marisol
That guys voice is amazing on My Way. really good vocals